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Less of Me (Day 2)

April 23, 2010

Today has been a so-so-day, and I’m tired.  Emotionally, and therefore, physically, drained.  My heart is burdened right now, for my mom and grandparents, and my sister and brother-in-law. To put it bluntly, a lot of crap is going on in both mine and StudMuffin’s families, right now.  Stuff that isn’t easily fixed. Stuff that makes you want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over your head, and sleep forever.  Except, I can’t do that.  I have StudMuffin and 4 munchkins who need me to be an active and present force in their lives.  I can’t afford to indulge the more, morose side of my  nature.  Not when others are counting on me to be strong.

I am going through the book, Crazy Love right now, and I stumbled across something today, that really spoke to my heart. In chapter 2, Francis Chan writes, “If life were stable, I’d never need God’s help.  Since it’s not, I reach out for Him regularly.  I am thankful for the unknowns and that I don’t have control, because it makes me run to God.”  As a self-diagnosed, “control-freak”, this really resonated with me. When my illusion of control takes over, I forget all about God.  When I find myself in desperate circumstances without that “comforting” illusion, God is always at the forefront of my mind.  This is the one area in my life that I really struggle with.  To surrender myself (and my loved ones), wholly and completely, to God.  This is the true purpose of, “Less of Me.”  I really want my day-to-day life to be, less of me, and more of Him.  Because let’s face it, to live this life as if it’s all about me, is the ultimate act of arrogance and narcissism.  As Francis Chan phrases it, “…life is all about God and not about me at all.”

So today, instead of eating my emotions, and going all “crazy white girl,” on the Ben & Jerry’s in my freezer, I have elected to cast all of these fears and worries, at the feet of my Savior.  I also elected to eat Triscuits with Lite Laughing Cow cheese, instead.   Awww…  look at me, being all grown-up and crap. My mom would be so proud!

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The Countdown in the Year of Less (of Me):

Day 2

Progress:

I have stayed on plan, and have NOT eaten my swarming emotions.  Woot.

Statistics:

I am a child of God; made in His image.

“Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” -John 1:12

Goals:

Short-term –  Giving this day, and all of its subsequent fears and worries to God.

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Phil. 4:4-7

Long-term –   Living my life for God, instead of myself.  A true, “Less of Me and More of Him,” transformation.

“He must grow greater, but I must grow less.” -John 3:30

Mood o’ Meter:

Fearful

Lonely

Hopeful

Overwhelmed… by a God who pursues me with a relentless love.

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Until next time…

-M

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